Okay. After some rummaging, I found the column that lambasted the speech. If anyone ever read "The Sports Guy" it's under ESPN Insider, Sept. 4, 2003. This is part one of the two-part equation of the 2003 NFL season to notable lines from the movie "Top Gun." All your favorite lines are in there (and I mean all of them) and he almost perfectly equates each one to a situation or a moment in the offseason or prior season. I don't think the line he uses for this is all that memorable, but you'll get the gist. I might later post a couple more of my favorites. Again, think "Top Gun."
"17. "I'm going to take a shower. Thank you. I enjoyed being here."
Just a classic moment in movie history. Has there ever been a stranger stream of dialogue? Did somebody actually write that? Has anyone ever wrapped up a date by saying those words?
Anyway, I enjoyed this sequence so much, and it's brought me so much joy over the past 17 years, I'm giving this one to my favorite coach: the immortal Dave McGinnis, the man responsible for the TV highlight of the summer that didn't involve Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson, or anyone from Paradise Hotel and the OC.
I'll set the scene: We're about 14 minutes into NFL Films's 2002 Yearbook about the Arizona Cardinals, which was already funny enough because it made their 4-1 start seem like the Normandy Invasion, then casually skipped over the fact that they lost nine of their next 10 games. And McGinnis has already been so over-the-top, it almost defies imagination -- it's like he watched Pacino's locker-room speech in "Any Given Sunday," then spent the summer improvising deleted scenes in front of a bathroom mirror (while downing cups of coffee).
So McGinnis is addressing the team after a dramatic 9-6 win over the Cowboys -- an ESPN Instant Classic if there ever was one -- and his carotid artery is ready to splatter all over the place. Pacing like an absolute maniac, he belts out the following speech:
"What did we expect? (Some grumbling) WHAT DID WE EXPECT??? (Louder grumbling, confusion) We expected it, men. We expected it! And when you expect to win, you earn the right to be there to win. You've earned the right to EXPECT to win. And you've earned much more than that."
Fade to commercial.
Now ...
I'm not sure what any of that means. I'm not sure we'll ever be sure, and if we ever come close to solving the mystery, there will probably be about three bags of marijuana involved. But I can tell you this: During the tail end of the speech, McGinnis walks by one of his players, who's desperately trying not to laugh as his coach belts out the last lines.
So was it one of the greatest moments in NFL history? Right up there with Alan Ameche's 1-yard run, the Kellen Winslow Game, Elway's Drive, Vinatieri's Kick, Lynn Swann's Catch and everything else?
Yeah. I think so. But that's just me. When you expect to laugh, you've earned the right to expect to laugh. And sometimes, you've even earned more than that."
If you've got Insider (durn ESPN won't let go of my credit card) you can read both parts one and two, after much page forwarding.